Quality Time
by speedo fannypacker
Summary: When the man who killed your entire family shows up at your door happy as a clam...what's a guy to do? revised


Sasuke was just minding his own business one lovely Saturday afternoon, you know the usual…cleaning, plotting the death of a certain flowery cloak wearing individual when he heard a knock at the door. Guessing it was probably Naruto wanting to spar he decided not to answer it and continue what he was doing. But when the knocking didn't stop he sighed and opened the door.

"What?" he flung the door open only to find his older brother Itachi stand there in all his glory.

"Little brother!" Itachi exclaimed as he pulled Sasuke into a hug.

Sasuke, who had pretty much crapped his pants in shock stood there with his mouth hanging open.

"What's wrong?" Itachi asked, "You look quite pale. Do you happen to be getting sick? Not taking care of yourself again?"

"Y-you!" Sasuke pointed a finger at him.

"Yes, me," Itachi sighed.

"What are YOU doing here?" Sasuke hissed.

"I've come to tell you I've changed for the better!" Itachi said dramatically and was prepared to pull his brother into another bone crushing hug. Sasuke pulled away almost instantaneously as if Itachi had cooties or something. What're we in 2nd grade, Sasuke?

"How DARE you come back into this village let alone come up to MY front door and HUG me!" Sasuke said disgusted.

"It's my house too Sasuke!" Itachi said stepping inside, "I thought you would be happy to see me again," Itachi glanced around the room taking in the neatness, "Wow you really are a neat freak just like dad, huh?"

"Out. Out. OUT!" Sasuke shoved Itachi out of his house.

"Well, now you are just being rude!" Itachi huffed.

"I'M being rude!" Sasuke could hardly believe his ears, "YOU are the one that killed the entire clan! YOU are the one that told me to run and cling to life! And you are telling me I'M being rude?" Sasuke almost popped a vein in his forehead.

"I told you already, I've already changed for the better!" Itachi said happily, "No need to fear me now!" he clapped his hands together.

By this time, Sasuke had already activated Sharingan and was ready to beat the crap out of Itachi (or at least attempted to) for being so cheery and not even considering his feelings before he barged into his house and HUGGED him…Sasuke shuddered at the thought of Itachi hugging him again.

"Oh! I see you've gotten Sharingan!" Itachi congratulated his little brother sounding even more excited if that was even possible. "I'm glad, better late than never I always said! I never though you would ever master Sharingan though, no offense."

"You are going down!" Sasuke pulled Chidori out and charged towards his brother.

"Oh my, is this how you children express affection now? I'm so behind," Itachi chuckled to himself cheerfully as he grabbed Sasuke by the wrist.

Sasuke cringed waiting for Itachi to crush his wrist into millions of little pieces but it never came.

"What's wrong?" Itachi bent down to look at his brother better, "Constipated or something?"

"No!" Sasuke pushed Itachi away.

"I think somebody needs a hug," Itachi cooed.

"Get away!" Sasuke scrambled away, "You never gave me hugs when we were little. Who ARE you?"

Itachi sighed, "You've obviously been emotionally scarred by something, Sasuke. Why don't you tell me about it? You know you can always come to your older brother when you need advice!"

"Are you insane? You're the one that scarred me!" Sasuke shouted flabbergasted. He could not believe this was the man that killed the entire clan. But what's more was the fact the he had been training rigorously for most of his life to kill this man.

"It was me?" Itachi looked around as if there were another person in the roomed wearing flowery clothing and named Itachi.

"Yes you!" Sasuke got ready to stab Itachi.

"Oh! Are you talking about that whole clan massacre thing?" Itachi said comprehension finally dawning, "I told you about that already! I just wanted to see how strong I was."

"You didn't HAVE to go and kill the entire clan!" Sasuke sighed putting the kunai back into its pouch. He was getting fed up with his brother's cheerful disposition. He could hardly believe this was the cold Itachi that he had known when he was little.

"But I did!" Itachi argued.

"You know what? Let's just forget this whole thing ever happened," Sasuke pushed Itachi out the door, "you can just go back to whatever evil organization you come from and I'll just go back to what I was doing," Sasuke slammed the door in Itachi's face.

"Aw, but the quality time as just begun!" a voice from behind him sang.

Sasuke whipped around to find his brother sitting on his couch playing with a thread on one of the pillows. So much for that idea.

"That wasn't very nice of you," Itachi wagged a finger at him, "do you usually slam doors in peoples faces?"

"Yes, in fact I do," Sasuke said clenching his teeth.

"All those years without parents really have given you a rotten attitude," Itachi said sternly.

"You are the reason I don't have parents," Sasuke glared at him.

"Oh I know, but I don't act like the entire world is against me!" Itachi said.

"I don't act like the entire world is against me," Sasuke snorted. He wasn't about to tell Itachi that he used to be his entire world.

"Oh but you do!" Itachi stood up, "That is exactly why we must go bond! I must teach you right from wrong!"

"No." Sasuke threw another glare at Itachi.

"I see there is no getting through to you," Itachi sighed, "so I must force you!" with that he activated Sharingan and stood up.

Sasuke backed away instantly waiting for the blow to come, but it never did. Instead he felt Itachi pick him up, throw him over his shoulder, and sprint out of the house. By this time Sasuke was so confused he didn't even have time to argue.

"Any where you would like to eat?" Itachi asked while jogging getting weird stares from the people on the streets that immediately ran into their shops and closed for the day, "People in this town sure are weird."

"What was the point of activating Sharingan if you weren't going to inflict endless hours of pain upon me?" Sasuke asked forgetting about the fact that he was still on his brothers back.

"I knew you would close your eyes when I activated it an that gave me a chance to pick you up!" Itachi said feeling very clever.

"Put me down," Sasuke growled.

"Only if you promise not to run away or try to kill me," Itachi said warily.

"Fine." Sasuke was put down. He got ready to sprint as fast as he possibly could to find Kakashi but Itachi grabbed onto his collar and wagged is finger at him.

"Ah, ah, ah, what did we say about running?"

"Don't do it." Sasuke pouted and stopped struggling.

"There, that's better," Itachi smiled.

Sasuke almost died.

"Did you just SIMLE?" he started backing away again.

"Well sure! Isn't smiling the way you express how happy you are?" Itachi asked.

"You didn't smile when we were little either!" Sasuke pointed a finger at him.

"You know pointing is very rude, little brother," Itachi sighed for the millionth time that day. This was going to be harder than he thought.

"Well excuse me for being rude, but last I thought you were in some evil cult threatening to take over the world with Naruto's kyuubi," Sasuke said bluntly.

"Ahh yes…Akatsuki…" Itachi reminisced.

"You mean you're still in that!" Sasuke threw his hands up in the air.

"Of course, but I asked for a vacation, I haven't been here in such a long time, you know?" Itachi looked around taking in the scenery. "Oh, last I was here wasn't there some ramen shop? I positively adored that guy's ramen, let's go get some!" Itachi pointed off into the nonexistent sunset.

"First it's him and his bonding…and now he's turning into Naruto, just swell," Sasuke grumbled to himself as Itachi dragged him away.

"Say something, little brother?" Itachi asked.

"Nothing."

"Ah here it is," Itachi sighed in relief, "I'm so glad they haven't closed."

And who should they find there but our yellow haired main character Naruto!

"Oh my! Naruto! How are you doing?" Itachi plopped down beside Naruto who began to choke on his ramen.

Instead of answering the man Naruto turned to Sasuke and demanded, "What in the world is HE doing here?"

"Why does everybody seem to have a problem with me?" Itachi asked sounding hurt.

"Last time I saw you, you were trying to kidnap me! I have every reason in the world to have a problem with you," Naruto huffed.

"Oh well, Sasuke and I were just bonding," Itachi said turning the conversation around completely.

At that, Naruto spit his ramen out everywhere and began to laugh hysterically while Sasuke pouted in a childish fashion.

"That's really hilarious, but seriously what are you doing?" Naruto wiped away his tears.

"Bonding!" Itachi smiled.

Naruto did a double take and turned to Sasuke, "He's smiling, why is he smiling?" Narto looked around nervously.

"Scary ain't it?" Sasuke whispered back.

"Well I…uh…have to go now…so I'll see you around?" Naruto stood up slowly and ran away as fast as his legs could carry him to go tell Kakashi.

"I think we should go find something else to do now…" Itachi said disappointed.

"Why? You just said you were hungry," Sasuke sighed.

"So are you saying you want to stay and eat with me?" Itachi looked at him.

"No!" Sasuke fired back.

"But you just asked me if I was hungry, therefore you must care about if only a tad bit," Itachi said with a twinkle in his eye. This was scaring Sasuke…he caught a fleeting glimpse of Itachi wearing a green jumpsuit and giving random thumbs up to random bystanders.

"I don't care about you at all just leave me alone," Sasuke turned to leave.

"Oh but you mustn't leave!" Itachi grabbed onto Sasuke again, "The bonding has just begun!"

"You're almost worse than Sakura," Sasuke shuddered and he picked Itachi's hand off his wrist.

"Who is this Sakura girl?" Itachi said curiously, "A girl friend, perhaps?"

It was Sasuke's turn to laugh, "No. I wouldn't be her boyfriend if she was the last girl on earth." He then noticed that he was actually having a normal conversation with his brother and shut up.

"First loves…" Itachi smile dreamily, "I remember mine…she was bea.."

"Stop!" Sasuke covered his ears.

"Don't you want to hear my story?" Itachi looked hurt.

"No. No I don't want to hear your story." Sasuke said bluntly.

"Oh woe is me," Itachi put his hand on his forehead, "I think we should go to that spiffy new carnival that just opened up on the other side of town," he really was one to speak his mind.

"What?" Sasuke

"Carnivals! I heard that's what's all the rage this month," Itachi said truthfully.

"You're kidding right?" Sasuke stared at him.

"Do I look like I'm kidding?" Itachi said.

"I wouldn't put it past you."

"Well! What are we waiting for! To the carnival we go!" Itachi threw Sasuke over his shoulder once again and trotted off into the distance.

"Bumper cars!" Itachi jumped into one and waited for Sasuke to join. When he didn't he looked up innocently at Sasuke, "Whats wrong? Get in!"

"I refuse to be seen in public with you," Sasuke sulked.

"You know you love me," Itachi grinned.

"No. I don't."

"You are so bitter Sasuke," Itachi sighed.

"Are you two a couple?" some random lady asked.

"What? Where did you get THAT idea from?" Sasuke whirled around to face her.

"Well…you're kind of arguing like a couple…and," she pointed at Itachi, "she does have long hair."

Sasuke slapped his forehead.

Great, now people were thought he was going out with his brother. The only good thing about it was the fact that Itachi had been called a girl.

"No, no Sasuke is merely my little brother," Itachi said oblivious to the fact that he had just been called a girl.

"Oh." The girl looked disappointed.

"That was weird," Sasuke looked around to see if anybody else had witnessed that. And who should be in line but Neji, Lee, and Tenten.

"Hey Sasuke is that your brother?" Tenten asked.

"Unfortunately, yes," Sasuke answered, as nonchalantly as he could.

"He kind of looks like you," Lee leaned over the rail to get a better look at Itachi who was still sitting in the bumper car.

"He does NOT," Sasuke snapped.

"Yeah, he does," Neji was having a fun time irking him.

"No he doesn't."

The conversation went on like that for a while until the people that were waiting behind Sasuke got fed up and yelled at him, making Sasuke even MORE angry, if that was even possible. He stomped away with Itachi following behind him like a lost puppy.

"I really wanted to go on that ride," Itachi whined.

"Too bad."

"Ooh! The tunnel of looooove!" Itachi sang as he pranced to it.

"Okay, this is where I draw the line, I let you pick me up, humiliate me in front of Naruto, Humiliate me in front of Lee and Neji, AND get us kicked off the ride. But this is where I draw the line. No way are you going to get me to go on that pathetic excuse for a ride," Sasuke huffed.

But Itachi wasn't listening instead he was dragging Sasuke towards the ride.

"Before you enter the tunnel of love you must do the dance," the man on the intercom said. "First you must swing your lover around and around and around!" and with that Itachi linked arms with Sasuke and began twirling him around.

"S-stop!" said a very sick Sasuke.

"Now hug them!"

And with that Itachi lunged at Sasuke knocked the wind out of him, and squished him.

Sasuke gasped and shot up out of his bed; a cold sweat running down his forehead, "What the hell was that?" he put his hand to his heart and sighed. "That was one of the worst nightmares I've ever had in my entire life!" he looked around to make sure that that was indeed a nightmare and lay back down.

The next morning Sasuke heard a knock at the door while he was brushing his teeth, "What?" he opened the door…

"Yo!" Itachi held up a peace sign.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sasuke fell onto his knees dramatically and proceeded to scream his lungs off.


End file.
